zaterdag 10 oktober 2020

Today, thoughts, better, frustration, anger, pledge

Poem by Anne Vegter (Dutch)

I personally don't understand the concept of 'together' very well. It's something I struggle with to wrap my head around. But I do know this without a doubt: the 'together' that is pushed now to somehow overcome this illusive virus, this 'one size fits all'.... that ain't it. For damn sure that ain't it.

I do feel we are in a state of war, where we are unsure by what or whom we've been overtaken, and I don't mean that virus. People harass, bully, display behavior I thought we teach our childern is undesirable, with allmost no provocation just because 'only together we will beat this'. We let disrespectful run riot. 'For everyone's safety' we let anyone be treated horribly or live in unhumane circumstances, create unsafe environments, mentally and physically. We are deaming basic human behavior of connection, compassion, touching, loving as criminal. This is supposed to be indusive to what...?! We are spured on to be critical and judmental of and tell on eachother in the name of 'together'. Appearently you can tell at first glance who is (doing) right or wrong, act on those judgements, and everyone has gotten premission to do so... something I was taught was not possible. Discrimination is rampent. Openess, tolerance and acceptance have left us quicker then we thought possible.

All this time we've had big words about how we would stand up against injustice, that we would not tolerate it. We've even started wars over it, by force restore freedom and democracy. Us and our big big big mouths... We are learning very quickly that it is dificult to be critical, even resist, that knowing what is the 'right side' ain't that easy or even possible, even in our own homes, in our close circles.
Is this the best we can do? Really?! I can't even stand myself letting my kid go out into this chaos, with the pivilege to stay inside so I can pretend that I don't have to deal so much with all that's going on, letting God knows who struggle...

At any moment of the day I don't know what to do, how to act. Stay inside, hide under the covers, keep my mouth shut and hope and pray this will fly over...?! Stand up, speak up, speak out, resist, organise resistance with the risk of being harassed, bullied, censored, fined, arrested...?! Do I just focus on me, my child, family, friends? Do I go big and loud? When and where do I speak my truth? Am I allowed to still be me, is there space for me???

No answers or solutions from me, and that is no cup out. I will say this: I feel utterly disgusted by the society we are seeing now, and wether you hear/see me or not, I am one of many who are working for an inclusive world where all get to live their freedom, however they define that. That is my solomn pledge to Life.

My unpolished train of thought.

#norightorwrong #norightorwrongfeelings #trainofthought #resistance #freedom #myfreedom #inclusion #speakout #speakup #kalipower

Headband Amélie

A happy beautiful Amélie Picard with her own Crochet Twist Headband by The Lady Merel, 💟

dinsdag 29 september 2020

Showing up

Today I choose to show up for myself - and thus for my son - making my selfcare and what I want to experience on a daily basis a priority, while getting out of my overactive obsessive overprotective brain. Instinctively feeling all the times I choose differently, where I let opportunity slight.
Mees had a school sponsor run today, which I had decided earlier to go see as a surprise. But this morning I woke plagued with fear about some work issue, of course relating to money. These days fear is showing me where I get triggered in my traumas. I wanted to stay put with excuses of not feeling to well, being tired, telling myself I would probably not make it on time anymore, figuring if I didn't tell Mees that I had intended to go he would be none the wiser. Then I felt how it would be not going and that that would feel even worse. I got myself in motion. As it turned out the sun was out in full glory, making it a gorgeous Fall day, I got to walk through an area with lots of trees (his school is really well located, Kralingen/Oud Crooswijk) which made the commute light and fun, and I got to watch most of the sponsor run (yes, he walked like most). Bonus, Mees and I traveled home together, even popped into a store to get some yammi Polish cheese. We are good like that, enjoying each other's company. (Yes, a grocery run we see as fun time together.) Coming home I longed for food. I choose to hold off and instead do my breathing Buteyko exercises first, which makes them more effective. Showing up for my health, spirit, and immune system. All in all I got my spirits up.
Result school sponsor run: @vh.mees did 12 laps along the track, sponsored by all his grandparents, @babischx, @ilja.dreijer, his dad, and me. Cheers!

zondag 27 september 2020

Case for Mees


What I created this week (see post three days ago): a case with fabric lining inside.
While in Uzès (France), in a store...
Son: "I like these cases."
Me: "My, look at the prize. I could make that myself."
Son: "Then I'd love one for my school supplies."